


You looked at death in a tarot card and you saw what you had to do

by Torishire



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Awkwardness, Bleh, Blood, Cute, Depression, Established Relationship, F/M, Fem Jack, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Kidnapping, Killing, Kink, Love, M/M, Mentions of Mavin, Mutual Pining, Near Death, Pining, Rescue, Romance, Ryan's pov with the ocassionally slip into Gavins, Self Confidence Issues, fake ah au, fuck it, more tags as i go on, past mavin, umm yeah
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-03
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-06-21 06:15:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15551472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Torishire/pseuds/Torishire
Summary: 'xmas' day!!!  ready for some jealousy sweet moments and some family like moments? Maybe a secret or two?





	1. They told you to put your blood on ice You're not gonna make it

"Hey Ryan can i see you in my office for a second?" Geoff asks from the archway in the living room, I shrug closing my book before i get up and follow him back to his office. I seat myself in one of the big chairs as he closes the door behind us, "So what's up Geoff?" He sits across from me and it's now i register how worried he looks,"Geoff..." "Look i'm not going to pad this or sweeten this Gavin's been Kidnapped and i don't know if we'll be able to get him back.." I swallow my heart now pounding hard against my chest "What do you mean he's been kidnapped???? And what the hell do you mean we might not be able to get him back?!?!?" I raise my voice a little as he leans back in his chair "Well he was taken by the only other gang to be as well known as us... And there are cops all around and through out the organization.." I swallow my knees bouncing as i process what he's telling me, "Well we all might not be able to get in but one of us might be able to sneak in and sneak him out... But it's risky.." 

I don't hesitate "I'll do it. I don't care whatever it is i'll do it..." I sit up straighter and he looks me over "Ryan you might not make it out of there..." I swallow slightly "I don't care, i'd rather him be here than me." I watch as he chews on his lip for a moment, "Come back here tomorrow night you and i will discuss a plan then you can head out when you feel like your ready..." I nod getting to my feet "Ryan.." I glance back " If this all goes well i owe you big time.." I leave his office and stalk to my room closing the door softly, I sit myself on the edge of my bed and press the balls of my hands into my eyes. I've been wondering why he hasn't been home for a few day but i thought he was just doing some scouting...Fuck I have to do this, if i don't i'll never be able to forgive myself.. I know he won't tell them anything but that scares me more than anything, that means they won't let up on him...

 

\-----------------------3 Days Later-------------------

 

I'm situated on a hill over looking the base, the others should know by now Geoff and I decided it would be best to tell them once i left so no one had time to join me or do anything stupid..I make my way down the hill blade tight in my grasp, the silent approach is the better approach after all this is a suicide mission... I creep closer moving behind a pile of bricks and pallets watching a few guards walk past a hole in the fence, some un-forseen force is giving me a little luck and i need all i can get. I dart in and manage to slip in an open door, my heart races as i duck behind a corner the sound of movement close. I do my best to keep my breathing calm behind my mask, if it gets too quiet it'll start echoing. I move slowly listening as i go trying to hear anything about where there holding him or even if i can hear him, god knows it takes alot to keep him quiet...I walk quietly down the halls peaking into rooms and keeping an ear open to what's around me. I move further stopping when i hear muffled crying, and my anger bubbles as i follow it carefully down the halls until i reach a row of cells; what the fuck..

I look around and i must have lady luck on my back there's no one near by, i look through each window until i find him and i feel like i'm going to vomit.He's whimpering in the corner and there's blood everywhere, I feel the anger pumping in my veins now and i make quick work of picking the lock.Creeping the door open i duck in fast and he whimpers harder as i move closer to him "Shhh Gav, Gavin it's me hush..." His eyes open and he's quiet as he looks me over i can tell he can't focus properly, "I'm gonna get you outta here okay? Can you move?" He shakes his head and Fuck i will kill each person individually, "okay i'm going to carry you i just need you to try and stay quiet..." he nods as i Carefully scoop him up draping him over my shoulders and he whines for a moment as I stand my heart aching and my anger building. I hear a voice approaching and i ready my knife doing my best to press against the wall careful of Gavin , the guy steps in and before he can say anything or call for anyone i stab through his throat letting his body drop.

It's only a matter of time before someone comes so i make quick work of moving us through the halls , trying my best not to jostle him so much. I can see the door but as i get closer i can hear yelling and Alarms, shit.... The door shuts but as I get closer it's not us they're yelling about, I pause Listening to two guards Close to the door who are reporting in. "THERE'S MOLOTOVS AND GUN FIRE COMING FROM EVERYWHERE ! EVERYONE TO THE FRONT WALLS!!!" As the footsteps get further i make a break for the door opening it fast i'm darting out and through the hole in the fence stopping behind a large bush,"Gav how you doing there?" "Ry..Ry i don't feel so good..." He murmurs and my heart races as i reach up realizing he's still bleeding on my back, "Fuck hang in there okay i'm going to Call Geoff for pick up okay? Just talk to me.." I pull out my phone and dial Geoff "Did you find him?" His voice is barely audible over gunfire "Yeah were out the back of the building but he's not doing so well are you able to come get us?" "Fuck I owe you a big one and i'll send Jack out that way we'll keep cover here until you guys let us know your safe, thanks Ryan." 

Hanging up i slowly maneuver him down into my lap before i peel off my mask so i can see him properly,he's trying so hard to focus and i hush him gently "It's alright close your eyes and talk to me your safe now Jacks on her way.." His breathing is slightly shallow "Ryan can.. Can we all go on vacation after this? Somewhe- Someplace cold.." He swallows and I run my tongue over my teeth, "of course we can.Geoff owes me big now so we can all go wherever you want," he smiles faintly "And you have to dance with me Ryan, you nev- You've never danced with me.. And and I want us all to have an early Christmas.." I nod brushing my thumb over his cheek as the sound of a helicopter fills the air, Glancing around i spot it just a little off. "Okay Sunshine I have to move you Hang on." I Scramble to my feet hugging him to my chest with one arm before i rush us to the copter, the door opens and I slide us in no sooner does the door close is the copter raised and were off.

Jack looks us over and the look she gives me says it all, i hug him close as i can and i feel him weakly grab onto my shirt. "Don't let go of me okay Ry," he in hales a shaky breath "Unless you have to don't... mmm safe here.. Yoursafe.." he mumbles and my heart speeds up, "Hey sunshine i know you want to sleep but we need you to light the way.Stay awake please,"My tone is pleading as he presses his cheek to my chest "But Mr moon i'm tired.." Jack chokes on her breath a little and i feel my heart breaking "I know but the world needs you to keep the sun out a little longer it's not your time yet," he tilts his head slightly opening his eyes staring up at me. "Moon man can you sing me a song?" He asks voice meek and calm and my chest could explode "Star shine the moon says hello no matter where you go i'll be there. Oh mister suns here too just to keep his eye on you, stay awake to see the show all the lights sparkling below, they shine for you star shine and only you," my voice trembles as Jack lands and Life seems to blur. Trevor's waiting and we rush inside, I place Gavin on the gurney reluctantly as he grabs for my hand I take it and Trevor doesn't argue.

He and Alfredo get to work hooking Gavin to machine after machine putting the mask on him before they have to kick me out of the room to operate,Jacks in the waiting room and she immediately pulls me into a tight hug. "I called Geoff everyone has pulled out and are okay, fuck Ryan your a fucking magician.. " She whispers kissing my cheek before letting me go, "I also told Michael to grab you a change of clothes on the way here." I nod plopping myself down into the hard plastic chair, "I don't know how you got in there with only a knife and a lock pick but Jesus you oughtta' get a trophy..."She pauses as i drop my head rubbing at the back of my neck, "Ryan.." I raise a single finger and she seems to understand as I squeeze my eyes shut as the tears start to fall fast, My body trembles as i drop my shoulders cupping my face i let myself cry. I can't stop myself even as the others file in i'm unable to keep myself together, Jack takes the seat next to me and let's me cry into her shoulder until i can't cry anymore.

By the time all i can do is sniffle the room is silent and a few hours have passed, Michael hands me my clothes and i nod a thanks. I get up and walk to the bathroom closing the door i change as fast as i can rejoining the others, as i do Trevor enters the waiting room. "So good news is we've stopped the bleeding, bad news is he needs a a blood transfusion or he won't be stable for long...and we don't have any blood in the fridge. Ryan you.." He doesn't even get a chance to finish "Just do it, i'll do anything.." he motions for me to follow him and i do rolling up my sleeve as we go, He pulls up a seat next to Gavin's bed where he's covered in bandages "So were just going to draw the blood but you can stay here after if you want.." i nod watching him tie my arm with a rubber band,he then grabs a needle attached to a bag before he finds the vein and sticks the needle into my arm. I keep my eyes forward knowing if i look over i know i'm going to fall apart all over again, it doesn't take long before he removes the needle and the rubber band.

"Okay so stay put for a few minutes so we can make sure you don't fall over, were going to start the blood transfusion." I exhale a slow breath before i reach over blindly managing to find Gavin's hand, i rub my thumb over the top of it as a comforting measure to myself more than anything. I close my eyes focusing on my breathing trying to keep it as steady as possible, When i open them back up Trevor and Alfredo are tidying up.Alfredo gives me a small smile "Were gonna move him to the other room now," I nod simply getting up i release his hand gently before following them to the next room. As soon as they leave the room i pull up one of the hard plastic chairs to his bedside and sit myself back down holding his hand, the others enter the room seating themselves around. Jack sits on one side of the bed brushing the hair from his face, "It's weird seeing him so quiet.." Jeremy muses trying to lighten the mood and it gains a few smiles, "he wants us all to go on vacation somewhere cold when he wakes up... Wants to have an early Christmas.." I state keeping my voice soft, I glance over at Geoff who nods "I owe you big so that can all be arranged."

Nobody says anything, for a while the room is silent. "I think we should go grab some dinner and come back, or take shifts staying to wait for him to wake up..." Michael says and everyone else slowly leaves until it's just Jack and I, "I'll bring you back something you relax a little though.." Her voice is soft and calm before she exits the room as well leaving me alone with him and my thoughts....


	2. Truth or dare

_"Ryan where were you.. Why did you let them take me in the first place..." his voice is full of sadness and hurt "Gav I wasn't close I.. I wish I was but I..Fuck i'm sorry I..."_ "Ryan... hey Ryan sweetheart wake up," I jump slightly Jack looking over me her face wearing a worried expression. "Sorry guess I just passed out.. How long was i out for?" I more or less mumble rubbing at the back of my neck before glancing towards the bed, he's still out but the small rises in his chest calm my heart a little. "I was just coming to check on you everyone else has headed home,you've been out for an hour i believe. I brought you a coffee and a sandwich.." I give her a small smile glancing over to the counter, "Thanks Jack." She nods patting my shoulder "You want me to stay or should i go too?" I shrug "Maybe you should stay and I should go..." She furrows her brows sitting herself on the edge of the bed "Ryan..." "I'm the last person who should be here though Jack I..I let him get grabbed in the first place..." She smacks my arm "Ow..." "James Ryan Haywood don't you dare blame yourself for this, You brought him back and it was nobodies fault he got taken; Shit happens." 

"And if anyone has to be here it's you, He wanted you here the whole helicopter ride now shush." I want to say something in response but the small noises coming from beside us draw my attention,his face scrunches and i get up moving closer so i'm leaning slightly closer to him. His eyes blink open slowly and his breathing becomes heavy and he starts shrieking and scrambling back on the bed, both Jack and i hold up our hands before he seems to focus on us and relaxes back into the bed lip trembling as he reaches forward like a child wanting there bear.I lean down and he latches on pulling me down to the bed with him, he's whimpering as he presses his nose into my neck . "Hey bud it's alright i got you," i keep my voice soft but his grip on me only seems to tighten scared to let me go. "I'll come back later," I hear Jack say before the sound of her shoes leaving fills the air. Minutes tick by but he doesn't let go my body feels stiff and my back starts to ache but moving is not an option, "Gav you gotta let go for a second okay? I promise I'm just shifting so i'm closer to you.." It takes a second but he let's me go long enough for me to sit my self beside him and pull him into my side careful of the tubes attached to him.

He latches back onto my side his body trembling slightly "don't leave me please... Don't leave me by myself....They might..No..." he's mumbling to himself and i've never seen him this broken and it breaks my heart... "They won't lay another finger on you I promise no matter what I will not let them touch you.." I assure him rubbing his side soothingly and he seems to calm down slightly his breathing relaxing, "Once your out of here Geoff says we can go on Vacation. All of us we can go somewhere with snow and have an early Christmas," I tell him and looking down he's looking back up at me a small smile on his face "really?!?!" I nod as he settles back against me, "that's going to be nice.." He hums his grip on me loosing just slightly, we sit in silence for a while before either of us speaks again. "Ryan it was awful... I was so scared I wasn't going to see any of you again, I mean if they Killed me same thing but it wouldn't have been as drawn out and I wouldn't have had to think about anything..." He pauses wiping at his eyes with the back of his hand, i hug him a little tighter and he sighs.

"Don't worry your safe now no matter what..." My words come out hushed and his body relaxes , I stop rubbing his side glancing down I realize he's slipped back into sleep. I lean back half against the pillow half on the plastic arm, as I watch him sleep all I can do is worry as his expression contorts to one of fear. I hug him just a little tighter to me, this is one promise I can keep and I WILL keep.

 

2 weeks later------------------------------

 

"So Ryan are you going to tell him?" Jack asks and I look over in my seat were on our way to the cabin Geoff rented out for the month, Everyone else piled into Geoff's and jeremy's cars but Jack and I needed to pick up some things. "Tell him what?" I ask playing dumb and she rolls her eyes "How you feel about him, don't play stupid I know you understand what i'm asking..." I run my tongue over my teeth, "I don't know you know i'm not good with that sorta thing," She huffs "Really you could've fooled me." I raise my eyebrow as she pulls into the Walmart parking lot, "what's that supposed to mean?" She sighs "Ryan you and him have been glued together since we got him back, you let him sleep in your room at night! And christ all mighty don't even get me started on how you were when we rescued him!" I scoff as we get out of the car and head into the store,"okay first off he has nightmares because of what happened and none of you would let him stay with you, and we haven't been glued together..." She looks at me with offense all over her face,"Ryan besides the bathroom and now you two haven't separated. He follows you around like a lost puppy and you can't stand having him away from you, even now your clutching your phone cause he hasn't texted you in an hour. Don't offend my sensibility by lying to me about having feelings for him."

"And sweetheart it's okay if you do but you should tell him, I'm positive he feels the same damn way.." I sigh in defeat as she fills the cart with a few boxes of cereal, "I can't tell him and I'm sure he doesn't feel the same way." She raises her brow this time dropping two loafs of bread into the cart "Why on earth would you not tell him? And please explain your reasoning behind him not feeling the same." I shove my hands and my phone into my pockets as we go into the next isle "I'll start with the later he doesn't because he's acting this way with me now like he did with Michael... And i'm sure he'll be over it within the next week," I swallow watching her throw a few more things into the cart all the while her attention on me. "And I can't tell him because it petrifies me, I am so far lost in it that if I were to open myself up to that I'd close up again I've done it once and It wrecked me to the point I couldn't trust anyone in that way ever, but here I am and it scares me...And besides i'm nothing special Jack, I'm average at best." I don't look at her when she stops the cart I busy myself with grabbing a case of diet coke. "Ryan..." She goes to speak when my phone rings, I pick it up walking away from her slightly.

"Hello?" "Ryyyyyyaaaannnnn Michael's picking on me!!!" It's whined into the phone and I smile slightly "What did you do to start it?" He whines again and I laugh "I didn't do anything I swear!! Are you and Jack coming soon?" I glance back at Jack who's sliding another few boxes of soda on the buggy "Soon," I hear Michael yelling in the back round and Jeremy laughing. "Hurry Geoff and Lindsay aren't helping!!" I chuckle "We'll be there soon." I hang up and turn back to Jack who's looking me over "what?" "Why do you think so low of yourself?" "What do you mean i'm thinking reasonably, I'm not bad looking but i'm nothing special i'm just here more or less.." She doesn't say another word about it, let's it drop as we go through the till. We load up the car and head back out, We start talking about movies as we drive and I pretend the conversation from earlier didn't happen. As we get closer there's more and more snow on the ground and I smile this will be a nice change of pace, as we pull up the others are outside Geoff and Lindsay are on the porch watching the lads run about in the snow. Jack parks and i go to get out but she stops me "Your more than good enough for him, just so you know." I nod slowly before we both get out of the car, we walk around to the trunk and just as I open it i'm slammed into from behind.

"oof,"I lift my arms and looking down Gavin's arms are wrapped around my waist he looks up and smiles. "Can I help you?" I laugh and he giggles pressing his face into my back "I need a shield," I smirk as Jack hands me a few cases of soda. "Well if you help us in with this they should leave you alone," Jack winks at me and I roll my eyes as he let's me go and she hands him a few bags.We walk inside and I can hear Michael groan "Really??? Come and play you wimp!!" I place the soda on one of the counters turning as Jack and Gavin enter putting the bags down, "Ryan why don't you go 'play' with them while Gavin helps me unpack." I nod simply leaving them in the kitchen, going back outside Michael's got Jeremy pinned down in the snow and they're both laughing. I walk over and they both look up "Hey Ryan come to join us?" I grin and they both loose their smiles "RUN!!" They take of and I dart after Jeremy knowing he can't outrun me, I lunge forward and tackle him into the snow, he shrieks as I rub his face into the snow. I hear Michael's laughter and it's close, so tuning in a little I reach back quickly and snag his ankle sending him crashing to the ground.

He growls before I have him pinned And Jeremy's running into the house as i grab a handful of snow, "Don't you fucking dare..." He threatens teasingly and i bring the snow down on his face before getting to my feet and rushing inside, I kick off my shoes quickly and run upstairs ducking into one of the bedrooms closing the door. I'm breathing heavy as I press my back to the door listening as Michael stomps around downstairs, "Ummm.." My gaze snaps over and Gavin's looking at me holding a blanket over himself, I feel my cheeks heat up as I advert my gaze down "Sorry I'm hiding from Michael I didn't realize this room was occupied." He giggles and I hear him shuffling around "Okay i've got a shirt on now, and don't worry about it." I look back up and he smiles shoving his hands into his pockets, We stand in silence for what feels like forever before he moves closer and my heart races slightly. "We should head downstairs now i'm sure he's calm," I stepping closer so he can step around and he exits the room. I swallow before following him downstairs . Jack and Geoff are now snuggled on the couch, Jeremy, Michael and Lindsay have pulled out a deck of cards at the large dining table.

I walk over to the door and slip my shoes back on, i forgot to bring my bag in so i step back out into the chilled air and sigh happily. It's just cool enough at the moment to give you chills but warm enough that being outside briefly you wouldn't need a coat. I open the back door of Jacks car and grab my duffel bag pulling it out i go to close the door when i'm stuck square in the chest with a snowball, looking towards the door Gavin's grinning back "Excuse you?" He laughs "You left yourself open!" He chirps and I smirk scooping up a handful of snow,"You have a minute to run!" He laughs darting off as i toss my duffel to the door before taking off after him, were both laughing as we run through the snow. I'm getting closer when he darts into the trees and I loose him, i'm panting as I step into the tree line and look around. It's almost too quiet so I know he's stopped moving and I freeze "Gavin..." I call keeping my voice sing song like, I pause and lucky enough I hear a twig snap. I turn around just in time to see him flying at me I have just enough time to yelp before we both crash to the ground, were both laughing like idiots as we lay in the snow.

When our laughter finally dies down I realize how numb my fingers are beginning to feel and how warm he is above me, I shiver and he sits up finally and my heart pounds against my ribs. He seems to realize now I'm only in my t-shirt and he quickly gets up helping me to my feet, we walk back around to the front door and a scoop up my duffel. Going inside everyone's where they were when I went outside, Jack looks up from her spot on the couch and smirks.I drop my bag and kick off my shoes, opening my bag i grab a towel and my shampoo and conditioner out of it "i'm gonna take a quick shower," She nods and Geoff snores slightly. I head upstairs and slip into the bathroom, locking the door i sigh contently before setting my things down and starting the shower. I pull the curtain then peel off my slightly damp clothes slipping into the shower The hot water feels so nice on my skin, I let my body relax as i wash my hair and the feeling comes back in my fingers.I finish up quickly gathering my things before stepping back into the hall, I wander past the rooms till I find one void of anyone's things at the end of the hall.

I drop my things on the empty chair before I remember all my other things are downstairs I was in such a hurry I just left it, Heaving a sigh I hang onto my towel as I once again go downstairs. The lads and Lindsay are now sitting in the living room Jack and Geoff's voices carrying in from the kitchen, I grab my bag and look up in time to catch Gavin staring back at me. I feel the heat traveling up my neck nipping at my ears before I hurry back up to my room, I change into sweat pants and a black tank top tying my hair up in a bun on top of my head before I head back downstairs. I flop onto the last empty chair and listen to the lads rattle on."How about we play truth or dare!" Lindsay giggles snuggling closer to Michael, "What are we seven?" He teases pulling her closer. "Oh come on Michaleeee it'll be fun!!" Gavin chirps draping himself over both of them and they all laugh Jeremy getting to his feet "I'm down i'm just gonna go grab some booze, gotta have something to help loosen lips." He disappears into the kitchen and Lindsay tips her head back to look at me "You in Rye bread?" I shrug leaning back in my seat "Sure what can it hurt?" 

Jeremy returns sitting near my feet he passes up a can of diet coke, "Thought you'd like one. And Geoff and Jack say dinner should be ready soon," I nod a thanks popping the tab on the can. "Alright so who's starting?" Jeremy asks leaning back against my legs, "I'll go! Michael Truth or dare?" Gavin asks "Dare, bring it !" Gavin sits up smirking "Dare you to take all your clothes off and run outside and roll around in the snow!" Leave it to Gavin to escalate things fast Michael grins and moves out from under everyone and starts peeling off his clothes, I keep my gaze on Lindsay who's watching Michael with stars in her eyes you can see the love in her face. I let my gaze drift to Gavin and he's watching Michael with almost the same sparkle, it makes my stomach churn. His eyes drift to me and i see his cheeks turn pink and I just shrug listening to Michael run out the front door, his scream carries inside and we all laugh as it gets closer. There's a shuffling as he pulls clothes on and plops down in front of the fire Jeremy passing him the bottle of booze, "Alright Lindsay truth or dare.." He says taking a swig from the bottle and passing it back to Jeremy, "truth!" 

I sip at my coke " If you could change one person in the crew into an animal who would it be, why and what animal?" Her expression pulls into one of thought for only a second before she smiles "I'd change Ryan into a cat, I mean he's got the nicest hair so I imagine petting him would be amazing." I snort "Thanks Linds I mean it's true my hair is pretty soft.." She smirks turning to Jeremy " Truth or dare lil j?" He smiles "Dare, "He sips at the bottle "I dare you to go and tell Geoff about how you were the one that wrecked his favorite car.." He nods taking another swig from the bottle before getting up and walking into the kitchen, it doesn't take long for us to hear Geoff shrieking. "Well he might be a while..." Lindsay muses turning her attention to me, "Ryan truth or dare.." I run my tongue over my teeth "Dare why not," she giggles and I can hear the gears turning in her head "I dare you to play the rest of this game in nothing but your boxers." I raise my eyebrow "Do we have something with wearing clothes today?" She laughs "More fun things happen with less clothes," I shrug as Jeremy moves forward and takes my soda letting me stand and strip down to my boxers.

I plop back down and take my drink back from Jeremy, "Alright Gavin truth or dare?" He pulls his lip between his teeth "truth," I smirk "who's the sexiest person in this room right now?" His cheeks get rosey as he huddles closer to Lindsay, "Can I switch to dare???" Michael snorts "Just answer the question dork," "fine it's Ryan... Lindsay truth or dare?" My heart thumps slightly against my chest, The game goes on as Jack and Geoff join us bringing a home made pizza in ;the lads going through two more bottles of booze. "Alright alright, Ryan last one truth or dare?" I shift in my chair "Let's go out with a bang dare," Jack smiles with a mischievous grin. "Okay let's make this fun seven minutes in the closet with one of us, but you don't know who and they aren't aloud to talk. You can do whatever you can even just stand there but you have to stay in the closet for seven minutes." I swallow this cannot go well "I guess I have to don't I?" She smirks "Come on Ryan it won't be that bad.." I guess.." Her and I get up and she ushers me upstairs to the one big closet, I watch her grab a long towel and double it over before tying it around my head. "Can you see?" She asks and I assume she's waving a hand in front of my face, "nope."

She chuckles "Perfect, someone will be right back." I listen to her footsteps retreat and I can feel the anxiety building in my stomach, this can go so many ways. I hear gentile footsteps and i swallow as the door opens and closes, "Alright so what do we do?" I ask knowing I'm not going to be getting a verbal response, I feel hands move onto my chest carefully pushing me back words.My curiosity peaks at how gentile the touch is as my back hits the wall, the hands move up and down my chest and I shiver but oddly enough I can't tell who it is. The hands move to mine and they lace our fingers, my heart thumps hard against my chest as I feel light breath on my jaw. The breath moves to my cheek and a light kiss is pressed to my stubble, I swallow as a few more kisses are pressed to my cheeks as the hands pull my arms around them. Minutes tick by as they simply stand with my arms around them, i'm not sure how much time has passed when their lips are pressed to mine.

My breath hitches but their lips are soft and I can't help but kiss back, they taste like booze and there's something I can't quiet place.They back away suddenly letting me go and I hear the door open quickly and footsteps running off, "He-hello?" I call worry and confusion all I can feel as I stumble forward. There's another set of foot prints approaching and the blindfold is removed and Jacks looking back at me but I can't read her expression, neither of us says anything as we exit the closet and I head to my room closing the door softly. I sigh flopping down on the bed I rub at my face what did I do to send them running... I sigh pulling the pillow from under my head I cover my face, I had a bad feeling and it was right..

 

A few hours later ****

I wake up to shuffling in my room and I sit up quickly only to see Gavin staring back at me, Even in the dim moon light I can see his cheeks are glossy with tear stains. "Hey bud it's alright come on," I pat the bed beside me and he rushes over pressing in close to my side. "I hate these night terrors Ry... " He whimpers slightly hugging onto me he presses his face right into my chest, "I know bud. I wish I could take them from you, believe me if I could I would." He sighs sniffs slightly "Thanks for all this Ry," his voice is soft as he yawns. "Don't mention it, I mean it i'm here for you gav." There's a moment of silence before he speaks again "I drempt you died..It was you or me and you took the bullet for me..." His voice shakes with emotions, " even though you'd been shot you killed the other guy... But I couldn't save you..." His voice is now a hushed whisper and i hug him closer, "It could happen. I know that's not what i'm supposed to say but, in this line of work it could happen and I would take a bullet for any of you any day of the week." He props himself up peeling away from me slightly "Why Ryan why would you take a god damn bullet for us why would you die for us?" 

His voice is almost hurt and it causes a knot to form in my stomach, "Because your all so important to me and you guys deserve to have long happy lives..And well I've seen a lot and done a lot too and besides out of all of you i'm the easiest to loose..." No sooner does it leave my mouth does he slap my chest "owww.." "Don't you dare say that! Your one of the most important people to me and If you were gone I.. I don't.. I can't even think of it you died in my dream and it broke me i had to come in here and make sure you weren't dead.." he's breaking down and the tears are cascading fast down his cheeks, "Please..Please don't say that...." he whimpers and i pull him flush against my chest and hold him tightly, once he calms down enough he looks up at me "Promise me you won't die on me you won't leave me.. You won't leave us..." I nod unable to find my voice as he settles back onto my chest, as I hold him my mind is a mess of thoughts but I do my best to push them back for now;the thoughts can wait till the morning....


	3. Baby i'm your nightmare soothing over as a daydream

I'm sitting in the backyard far enough away from the house that it's quiet, it's been three days since that game and I feel like i'm walking on egg shells around everyone; even Gavin's acting weird with me... After our conversation that night he's pulled away from me and my heart aches, I know what I told him he didn't like but I just... I huff laying back on the blanket i'd brought out, I hear the crunch of snow but I stay put staring up at the sky. "Hey whatcha doin out here?" I glance over to see Lindsay sitting next to me "Just thinking.. What's up Lindsay?" She shrugs "the lads were getting a bit much with the decorating, I needed an escape and I spotted you out here." I nod and we sit in silence for a little while "So what's on your mind Ry, you've been quiet the past few days.." I sigh "I dunno I feel like everyone's avoiding me or when they talk to me it's almost like when I first joined the crew all over again, even Gavin's been weird around me...And I don't even know what I did.." She shifts but doesn't say anything "I don't think it's anything to do with you especially with Gav, he get's like that sometimes even with Michael." I run my tongue over the back of my teeth but I stay quiet "Come on let's head inside maybe the decorating has stopped."

We both get up and i grab the blanket following her back down to the house, I drape the blanket over the banister before trailing behind her into the house. Jacks standing at the counter icing cookies as we slip off our coats and shoes, She looks up and smiles at us "hey there you guys are! Linds Geoff's looking for you I think he and Jeremy are going back down into town to buy gifts for our Christmas." She nods leaving and I go to leave as well "No you stay here have a seat, I need some company while Michael and Gavin are off doing god knows what." I slide onto one of the stools at the counter "Why so glum love?" I shrug resting my elbow on the counter as she goes back to icing "remind me to never play truth or dare ever again..." She furrows her brows in thought then she seems to realize what I'm getting at , "Ryan..." "Jack people are being weird with me and it's almost like I did something bad and i don't even know what.." She sighs putting the icing bag down she walks around the counter and hugs me to her chest, "Hush now It's all fine you were fine. I made the stupid choice of who I picked they weren't ready for that sorta fun, Now have a cookie and cheer up."

She let's me go walking back around the counter she passes me a cutely iced gingerbread man, I chew away as she hums and talks about random Christmas traditions. I shove the last bit of cookie into my mouth as I feel cold arms wrap around my waist and I shiver, "Jesus who is this and why are you so cold?" There's a giggle that i'd recognize anywhere as my shirts lifted just enough for the hands to slide into my shirt, I yelp and the giggles turn to laughter as I throw dead weight backwards falling off the stool on top of Gavin who's now squirming and shrieking with laughter. "RYAN GET OFF ME YOU DOUGHNUT!!" He laughs as i flip over so I'm hovering above him, the laughter suddenly stops as quick as it started and I feel a lump in my throat as we lock eyes for a moment. I can't let this be awkward or weird... I reach down with one hand and start tickling his side and the laughter starts up again, I straddle him as I keep up my assault with both hands now. "NO STOP.. I CAn..RYAN!!" he wheezes as I finally stop getting to my feet before the laughter stops, I extend my hand and he takes it a smile plastered on his face.

"Michael and I were out choosing a tree to cut later after we finished decorating, ooh speaking of have you looked yet?" I shake my head and he grabs my hand tugging me excitedly into the living room the place is covered in Christmas decoration, bobbles and tinsel and lights. "Wow you guys really went all out huh?" He nods "You like it?" I nod "It looks very fun and festive," his smile is bright "Good I always like having my other best friends approval," My heart sinks and my chest aches as he says it but I smile none the less. I mean why would I think his feelings are more anyway? He pulls me over to the couch and we both flop down "Are you excited two more days until our Christmas in July?" I nod letting my gaze wander ignoring the fact he's still holding my hand. "Yeah," I keep my gaze on the fireplace watching the flames flicker. "I'm so excited once Jeremy, Geoff and Lindsay come back from shopping Michael, Jack and I are gonna go, you wanna come with?" I shake my head "I actually did my shopping a few days before we left," I glance over at him and he looks at me curiously "Really?" I nod turning my gaze back to the fire "Yeah had some free time.." 

We sit quietly and I feel like i'd like to jump out of the window, "Ryan what do you want for this 'Christmas'?" He asks and I shrug "For everyone to enjoy themselves and to relax. What about you Gav what are you hoping for?" "Dunno some sort of surprise.." I nod as I feel him shift so he's resting his head against my chest, "this is nice. I needed to calm down a bit Michael was getting me too riled up.." He sighs contentedly his arm draping over my waist and my chest hurts, "I'm glad." The room falls quiet again and I close my eyes listening to the sound of the fire crackling and the soft breathing beside me, he's very right it's very relaxing...

 

3 hours later ------------------------

 

*dream*  
_"Where is everyone!" I call out with no reply the landscape is barren and there's nothing in sight, as I run forward something comes into sight although once it does I wish I hadn't found it. The crew lies in blood all dead bullet holes litter they're bodies, as i drop to my knees all I can here is 'you did this Ryan why didn't you save us..'_

 

"RYAN!" I wake up with a start flying forward on the couch, my neck hurts slightly as I look around only to find Jeremy looking back at me smiling. "What's up lil J?" He motions towards the kitchen "Dinner's ready, you okay?" I run my fingers through my hair exhaling slowly "Yeah... Fine," I get up and follow him back into the kitchen where Jack's plating up dinner. She looks up at me and hands me a plate motioning to one of the stools seeing as the table is full, I slide onto the stool as she slides a fork across. I poke at my food my not really hungry the images from my dream still biting at me. "You okay?" Jack asks sliding onto the stool next to me, I shrug "Just bad dreams.." She hums a little "You know you can talk to any of us.." I nod "Yeah it's just nothing for you to worry about.." Our conversation is cut short by the Jeremy and Michael laughing hysterically at Gavin "You guys are just mean! Ryan's my new best friend, Michael you've been demoted!" Michael snorts and makes a motion outwards "Have at er' " He whines "Miiiiicchhhhhaaaeeelllllllll! YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE OFFENDED AND APOLOGIZE!" I roll my eyes and excuse myself to Jack "I don't wanna be part of this narrative not tonight at least.."

 

She gives me a questioning look as I scrape off my plate and walk back through the living room and head upstairs to my room, closing the door I sigh flopping down onto the bed. My door opens but I don't bother getting up or looking to see who it is, I already know who it is. "Jack.." She smacks my leg "Flip over and talk to me what's up cause it's obviously more than a bad dream, you usually don't care about being pulled into there little jokes and things.." I sit up and she sits opposite me, "Just not into it today.." She crosses her arms across her chest "When your someone's second best friend only.." Realization crosses her face and her expression softens "Ry bread.." I wave my hand "Don't worry Jack i'll be fine.. Just gotta remember to not be so soft like that.." She furrows her brows "Ryan no you.." "It's fine." She sighs placing a hand on my knee "Well come back down when your ready okay were putting the gifts under the tree." I nod as she gets up and leaves, I bring my knees to my chest and rest my forehead on my knees.

My head pounds as I do my best to push my emotions down, I exhale slowly I need to focus and swallow my emotions... I take a few minutes before I get up and gather the wrapped gifts from my bag, Heading back downstairs there's a tree now set up and stacks of gifts piled as best they can under the tree. I slip in between everyone and manage to squeeze my gifts under near the back. I stand back up only to feel a set of arms snake around my waist , Looking down Jeremy's smiling back and I laugh. He let's go and I flop onto the couch between Geoff and Jack, Geoff groans "Seriously Ryan?" I smirk tossing my arm over his shoulders "Seriously Geoff, I just wanted to be close to you." I make faux kissey faces at him and he laughs shoving me towards Jack who drapes her arms over my shoulders pulling me into her, I know she's worried but I give her my best reassuring smile as she begins to run her fingers through my hair. The lads are all seated on the living room floor , Lindsay on Michael's lap, Lil J with his back to the tree and Gavin leaning against Michael and Lindsay. They're busy telling stories and i'm content listening as Jack plays with my hair, Letting my eyes drift over them all Gavin and I lock eyes for a brief moment but I quickly turn my gaze to the fore place and let my body relax.

"So how about would you rather?" Lindsay suggests as everyone else seems to agree, "I think i'll just listen.." I state closing my eyes as Jack begins to braid and un braid my hair, "Alright that's fine..." As they start playing I close my eyes listening to them go back and forth, laughing with them occasionally at someones response.I'm fading in and out of consciousness when Jack shifts setting my head on the couch "Be right back Just running to the bathroom," I keep my eyes shut as the game continues not thinking anything of it when my head is lifted and placed back on what I assume is Jacks lap.As fingers go through my hair again I become aware that it's not Jack, opening one eye I see Gavin in Jacks spot. He looks down and smiles And I close my eye again, his fingers are soft and gentle against my scalp as he continues running them through my hair. It's beginning to get harder to stay awake and I feel myself drifting off....

 

*dream*

The wind is blowing cool and i'm laying among a patch of chrysanthemums and peony's, the sky is a nice shade of blue and I feel at ease. I hear laughing and I look up as Gavin leans over my face, "Hey ryyy bread..." He giggles I watch him plop down next to me the sun causing his eyes to sparkle like emeralds. He hugs his knees to his chest his eyes still on me as he smiles, "You look so beautiful.." My words are carried on the wind and he laughs again smacking my chest playfully "oh hush now.." It's quiet the only sound around us is the wind wiping through the flowers and the far echo of the birds above, I blink and suddenly i'm alone it's dark and i'm laying in dirt. The sound of laughter fills the air and my head pounds as it registers as familiar, sitting up I can see people in the distance pointing and laughing draped over one another. I feel as though i'm going to throw up as I get to my feet and stumble a little, I take a few steps only to crash to my knees. The voice are suddenly closer _" so pathetic Ryan like really come on.." "I mean why would he even think he has a chance with me, not even my type.."_ The words cut my skin and the blood drips to the floor as they laugh , but I can't bring myself to move my body feels so heavy.....

I yelp sitting up with a start and breathing heavy everyone's looking at me and i shake my head quickly getting up I walk to the door and slip my shoes and coat on, I don't say a word as I walk outside into the dark. I walk into the darkness of the forest for a few minutes until my legs ache and I can't move anymore, I sit against a tree un caring of how cold or wet my pants are going to be. I pull my knees to my chest and rest my forehead on them as I try to calm my breathing, 'it's just a dream Ry.. They don't think that way that's just your insecurities talking..' I tell myself trying to calm my self my chest feeling like it's on the verge of exploding, 'they are your friends and your still his friend, friendship is good..' I exhale a shaky breath tipping my head back I rest it against the tree focusing on my breathing, "Ryan?" I jump slightly turning I'm in a flashlight beam shielding my eyes I make out geoff's silhouette he drops the beam as he steps closer "Hey bud you okay?" His tone is gentle it's the one used mostly when dealing with children or the elderly and I sigh "I'm fine," I state but my voice crack says other wise. "But your not okay, don't lie or i'll go get Jack.." 

I roll my eyes "Alright I'm not okay but I don't wanna talk about it..." He nods "Fair enough, how about you come inside though I don't need you getting sick..." I nod " i'll be in in a minute," he leaves me and I wait until I hear the door close before even thinking about getting up. I walk slowly back to the house my mind buzzing as I step in the front door I ignore the looks i'm getting as I peel off my coat, slip off my shoes and head straight upstairs, i'm almost to my room when I feel someone grab my arm. Turning i'm not surprised to find Gavin looking back, "Ryan you okay?" I simply shake my head sliding my arm out of his grasp I slip into my room and close the door without looking back, I strip off my wet clothes and tug on a pair of sweat pants. Reaching once more into my bag I grab the book i'd packed and sit myself on the bed to read for a while, something to calm myself down.

 

*the next day

I wake up to a light tapping at my door after I went to my room last night I feel asleep no dreams all night, I yawn "Come in.." The door opens slowly and Lindsay peers in "Hey Ry can I talk to you?" I nod yawning and giving a stretch as she comes in sitting on the edge of the bed "What's up Linds?" She chews on her bottom lip slightly "I need to talk to someone about how close and cuddly Michael and Gavin have been since we got here, I mean don't get me wrong I get the bromance...I get the love and stuff they have.. But i just it's been a lot lately and I feel like I haven't really even Had a husband,I mean it usually doesn't bother me but I just... I dunno I'm being stupid aren't I?" She tugs on the hem of her shirt and I sit up fully "No your not stupid Linds.." I pull her into a hug "It's understandable to feel that way and they're relationship can get a bit much sometimes,But just remember Michael loves you and maybe just pull him aside and tell him you need a little one on one time. I'm sure he will get it," I let her go and she smiles back up at me. "Thanks Ry I didn't really wanna talk to Jack about it, and well Geoff and Jeremy mean well but ya know how they can be."

I nod "It's cool i'm here whenever you need.." She nods before pausing "Ry I know.. I don't think the others really notice but I know you have feelings for Gav, it's really sweet to see and I think you two would make a good pair." I give her a half smile rubbing at the back of my neck "That would be a nice thought but whether it could happen is another story," She places a hand on my knee and scrunches her face slightly. "Ya never know things can happen in a matter of days, you'd be surprised.." She says before she gets up and leaves me, I card my fingers through my hair before tossing the blanket off and getting out of bed. I slip out of my room and into the bathroom and quickly go about my routine before stepping back into the hall and pulling my hair into a pony tail. I slip back into my room and walk over to my bag , digging around for a minute until I find a pair of black jeans and a blue v neck. I'm stepping out of my sweats when someone knocks on my door again,I sigh "what do you need?" I call hearing the door open slightly. "Ryan I just wanted to come and see how you were you.. You umm.."I turn and he's got his gaze on the floor and I chuckle slightly.

"I'm fine I'll be out in a minute," He nods before ducking out. I dress quickly and head downstairs it's oddly quiet as I spot him sitting in front of the fire, "hey whatcha doin bub?" He jumps slightly looking up at me quickly before turning his gaze back to the fire, "Nothing really.. Jack, Geoff and Jeremy went to pick up some things for a special dinner that Geoff wants to cook.. Michael and Lindsay are off taking a walk somewhere..." I nod as his voice trails off, I sit myself behind him slightly behind him and watch the flames dance for a while. I'm not sure how much time passes by but he leans back against me and yawns, Looking over his face the circles under his eyes are darker than usual. "Didn't sleep?" He nods slightly blinking slowly "I had a bad night terror last night," he murmurs and I hum "Why didn't you wake me?" He shrugs Letting his eyes close "You deal with me all the time, mmm wanted you to have some sleep. 'Specially since you had your own bad dream earlier..." His voice drifts off and is replaced by soft snores, I feel like an ass I should've dealt with that dream differently then storming out then ignoring him when I got back..

His head droops forward and I carefully lift him to my lap so his head is now against my chest as I lean back against the couch, I watch his chest slowly rise and fall as the corners of his mouth twitch slightly.It tugs into a frown and his hand reaches up taking a handful of my shirt, I wrap my arms around him gently watching his face relax and I sigh; I'll be better from this point on I won't let anything stop me from making sure he has a good time, not even if that thing is my own head..


	4. There ain't no ballad To fix the sadness So happy christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'xmas' day!!! ready for some jealousy sweet moments and some family like moments? Maybe a secret or two?

"RYAN!!" I'm shaken awake and I groan slightly "Gavin what's up?" Rolling over he flops onto me and I grunt slightly as he giggles "It's early Christmas!!!! Wake up!!!!" He chirps smiling as he continues to poke and shove at me, "Come on Ry your the only one I can wake up!!!" He yelps as I roll quickly hugging him tightly to my chest "five more minutes!" he laughs squirming before he leans over and licks my stubble. "Ewww how dare you!!" He laughs harder as i let him go wiping my face with the blanket as he smiles, "Why in the world would you lick me?!?!" I laugh and he shrugs "It worked for you to let me go!" I roll my eyes tossing off my blankets off "fine let's go downstairs and i'll make breakfast while we wait for everyone," he claps his hands before I follow him downstairs. Opening the fridge i dig around pulling out two packs of bacon, a loaf of bread, butter, and a carton of eggs. I put them on the counter and grab the cutting board a pan and a knife from the cupboard, Gavin's sitting across from me on one of the stools.

"So whatcha gonna make Ry?" I yawn "I'm thinking egg in a basket and some bacon," He looks a little confused "What's egg in a basket?" I smirk pulling some bread out before putting the frying pan on the stove "Toad in a hole?" He shakes his head "Well damn, you cut a hole in the bread and break your egg into the hole and cook it like that." He nods "That sounds nice," I nod as i begin to get myself set up.As I cook he asks me a string of random questions "Okay but hear me out a million dollars but, you have to marry the last person you were in bed with no matter who it is you can't divorce you are stuck with that person for the rest of your life.." I bite back the feeling the question leaves and flip the egg filled bread over "Before I answer would you do it?" He taps the counter a few times face pulled deep into thought, "Well the last person in my bed.... I think it was you and I mean I would, why not at least I know i'd be safe." I roll my eyes plating the two toad in the holes before grabbing the bacon,"So Ry would you?" "Yeah, technically it would be you; at least if I did you couldn't be deported..." He snorts as he shifts slightly on his stool,I cook the bacon humming to myself as he watches. As I finish up i dish out the bacon and put the pan in the sink before turning off the stove, I slide him a plate as he reaches into the one drawer and grabs us forks. 

"Thanks Ry," I nod sliding onto the stool next to him picking up my fork and pulling my plate closer. We eat in a comfortable silence only the sound of the fire in the living room, "Should we wake the others after we eat so you can open your gifts and see what mom and dad got ya?" I ask playfully and he snorts shoving me with his shoulder, " i'll go wake them!" He replies sliding off the stool i watch him go before collecting the dishes and sliding them in the dishwasher. I hit the start button on the coffee machine before wandering into the living room and flopping onto one of the chairs. I can hear grumbling and laughter making it's way downstairs and glancing back Geoff and Jack are walking down the stairs yawning, "Morning coffee's ready to go." Jack smiles and nods a thanks kissing Geoff on the cheek before padding into the kitchen, Geoff plops down on the couch as the sound of more agitated people fills the air. "So what time did he wake you up?" He asks and I shrug "I honestly didn't look at the clock," he nods as the others come padding down the stairs. Michael heads to the kitchen and Lindsay flops onto the chair as Gavin and Jeremy sit themselves in front of the tree, Michael and Jack rejoin the group passing out a few cups of coffee. "Alright let's go!" Jeremy and Gavin pass out the gifts and everyone starts opening them, there's laughter and thanks going around and the whole room feels warm and happy.

By the time all the other gifts are open the only one left is the one I got for Gavin, "Well aren't you going to open it?" Jack asks teasingly sipping at her mug and he nods "Yeah It's just wrapped so nicely.." He finally unwraps the small box and as soon as he pulls off the lid his face lights up, "RYAN!" he pulls out the cute little gold locket and I smile "how did you know I was looking at this?!?!" I shrug "I've noticed you look at it every time i've taken you to that one jeweler to get your rings cleaned, and I remember you saying you wouldn't buy it for yourself lockets are supposed to be from someone." His cheeks take on a pink flush and I lean back in my seat "there's also a coupon for one free dance, since you said I never dance with you..." His eyes gain a slight sparkle as he runs his thumb over the locket, "Thank you so much Ryan... Can you help me put it on?" I nod as he gets up and walks over careful of everyone else's things, he kneels in front of me handing me the locket before turning around. I make quick work to fasten it before glancing at Jack who's looking at me with a look that reads 'that is the cutest' and i roll my eyes, "There." I lean back in my chair as he squeals slightly before getting to his feet and spinning to face me, he leans down and hugs me tightly.

I hug him back with my one free arm, we let go and he goes back to sit next to Jeremy. Everyone's relaxed and chatting and i let myself sink into the couch. "Well why don't we throw on some music and tidy up then maybe go outside for a walk," Lindsay suggests from her spot nestled into Michael's side. Everyone agrees and starts gathering wrapping paper and bows as Jack gets up and flicks on the radio, There's humming and playful shoving as the cleaning is finished. I grab the empty mugs and walk to the kitchen opening the dishwasher I put the cups in the top, today has me feeling great. Going back in the living room Lindsay and Michael are dancing, Geoff and jack are swaying along to the music, and Jeremy and Gavin are dancing; it's been a good day. I scoop up my gifts and head back to my room slipping them into my bag, I change into some warm clothes and grab the toque from off the chair "Ready Ryan?" Jeremy chirps behind me and I nod following him downstairs, in the time it had taken me to get ready everyone else is already heading out the door. I slip on my shoes and follow behind shoving my hands into my pockets. The lads start goofing off Geoff and Jack walk hand in hand enjoying the fresh snow from last night, "This has been so nice," Lindsay says falling back into step with me. 

"Agreed this morning has been amazing," She sighs happily shivering slightly. I cock a brow and she shrugs "This coat isn't the thickest but my other one's still wet from the other day's snow fight," i nod draping an arm over her shoulders. She laughs leaning into me "Thanks, i appreciate the warmth." Glancing over at the lads I catch Gavin looking at Lindsay and I'm surprised when I see a slight glimpse of what looks like jealousy? Cross his face, as we continue on for a while she starts giggling "What's so funny?" She smirks "well for starters your like a god damn heater which is fantastic! and second I don't think Gavin's too happy with me right now," I scrunch my face and she giggles "Subtly glance over at where he Jeremy and Michael are,"i nod facing forward I glance over. Sure enough he's pouting his arms are crossed over his chest and I snort "Why the hell would he be acting like this?" I ask making sure to keep my voice hushed. She gives a one sided shrug "you wanna see him loose it?" before I have a chance to react she wraps her arms around my waist and nuzzles her cheek against my chest, "No sooner does she do it does Gavin huff and stomp ahead throwing himself in the snow like a child.

She sorts letting me go she winks before hurrying over to link arms with Michael who's been so focused on talking with Jeremy he missed everything, I walk over to Gavin who's still pouting in the snow. "What are you doing?" He glares up at me "Nothing what are YOU doing?" He huffs and I roll my eyes "Well I guess i'm having a seat," "What?" Before he can move I sit myself on his lap. He shrieks smacking my back "Ryan get off you ass!" I lean back "But why it's so comfy here..." He snorts poking his fingers into my sides but I don't budge "Thick jacket i'm safe from your finger assault," He whines and I laugh "Ryan your squishing meeeeeeee..." i sigh dramatically "Fine i'll get up," I stand and he follows suit huffing at me slightly before grumping at me "My pants are soaked now and it's cold..." I don't hesitate to scoop him up bridal style earning a squeak as i start walking us to catch up to the others who have made a bit of a gap between us, as we walk were both silent and I'm worried I made him angry. The others turn around and Geoff starts laughing, "you two are ridiculous!" Gavin wiggles out of my arms to his feet and walks over to stand back with Michael, Lindsay and Jeremy not even bothering to look at me. I let everyone walk around me before i trail behind, this morning went so well and of course I fucked it up.

I shove my hands into my pockets and trail behind back to the house, stopping before we reach the door I glance towards the tree line. "I'm gonna keep walking for a while," I talk to no one in particular as I part from everyone. I broke my rule for today... I kick at the snow a little stepping further into the tree line, it's quiet and the silence is almost deafening. I walk a bit further in when I feel a hand on my arm, I jump slightly turning to find Lindsay looking back at me. "Jesus Lindsay what's up?" She rolls her lip between her teeth "Sorry bout earlier, I didn't think he'd get mad at you." I shrug leaning against the side of a tree "Not your fault Linds I obviously did something so," She shakes her head. "No I promise you it was me and don't worry I'll fix it," She doesn't let me ask her anything else before she runs back to the cabin. I sigh walking back and fourth through the trees for a few more minutes before heading back to the cabin, I stomp my boots before entering the warmth of the cabin. I peel off my coat hanging it on the rack before toeing off my shoes, I can hear everyone else in the kitchen but I decide it's best if I head upstairs to my room. I gently close the door before taking off my toque and tossing it onto the one chair, flopping down onto my bed i exhale running my fingers through my hair.

Reaching over I grab my book settling in to read for a while when there's a knock on my door, when did I become so popular? "Yes?" The door opens slightly and Jack's looking back and i'm slightly confused "since when do you knock like that?" She shrugs stepping in she's holding a small plate of cookies "I thought you'd want a snack but I know it can be a bit too much being around everyone today, so I brought you something." I nod as she sets them where my book had previously been, "You doing okay?" I nod "of course, why wouldn't I be?" I keep my tone nonchalant and for once she seems to believe me. "Alright well when you feel up to it come join us downstairs were going to pull out the laptop and projector and play a movie," "Okay thanks Jack," She smiles before retreating back out of the room. I sink down in bed slightly opening my book I read while munching on cookies for a while before I can't focus on the pages anymore, I slide in the book mark and get to my feet. Giving a stretch before I decide I better rejoin the others so I don't seem like a total asshole, Opening my door I tread downstairs careful to not make much noise.I stop at the bottom of the stairs looking for a spot among everyone snuggled on the couches and chair, I settle on leaning against the back of the couch where Jeremy's sitting.

As soon as I go to move I feel a set of eyes on me; but I ignore it as I move to my spot leaning on the back, Jeremy glances up momentarily before going back to watching the movie. I can't get too into the movie when i feel a finger poke into my side,Glancing over Gavin's looking at me lip pulled between his teeth and brows furrowed. "What's up?" I whisper leaning back slightly as not to disturb the others more, He doesn't say anything though instead he tugs my arm and I sigh "Since when are you at a loss for words?" He drops his shoulders tugging at me again "okay i'll follow.." He pulls me to the chair he'd been occupying and motions for me to sit,I nod whatever he wants he can have today; today is supposed to be for him. I sit down and he sits himself on my lap, tucking his feet in the arm of the chair he rests his head on my chest."I'm sorry about being grumpy with you earlier you didn't deserve that.." He whispers picking at something on his jeans,"please don't shut me out because I can be a right bell end..." His voice cracks a little and I wrap my arm around his waist hugging him to me "I would never dream of it," his body relaxes slightly and I turn my attention back to the movie.

I feel his fingers tracing up and down my forearm making it hard to focus on the movie, looking down he's muttering to himself as his fingers dance over the light imprints of scars from jobs past.There's shuffling from the couch and looking up Jack's getting to her feet, we exchange a look and she smiles warmly before trotting off towards the bathroom. Turning my attention back to Gavin he's looking up at me, "Ry can you ummm..." he pauses mauling over his words " Can you come and stay with me tonight? The nightmares are back and I..." he chews on his lip again, "of course Gav when have I ever said no about that?" he nods slowly yawning. "You wanna go now?" I ask as he rubs his cheek against my sweater, I take it as a yes doing my best to stand up with him held in my arms. I keep my pace slow as I walk us up the stairs to his room tapping the door open with my toe, once inside I push it closed with my shoulder. I set him on his feet and he crawls onto the far side of the bed, I sit myself on the edge of the bed before tossing my legs onto the bed.I tuck my arms under my head and close my eyes.There's shifting and I feel his head return back to my chest and his arm drapes over my stomach, today has been a flurry but this feels so nice right now maybe i'll be able to sleep.

 

The next day ***

The sun hits me in the face and I groan shifting slightly, slowly becoming aware of the weight on my chest again. Blinking a few times I glance down he's managed to tangle his legs with mine and has most of his body on top of me, I exhale slowly closing my eyes again. 'So you think he told him?' my ears perk up at the sound of Michael's Voice outside the door, 'no I don't think either of them was ready for that yesterday..' Jack. 'pshhh this is the easiest bet i've ever won,' i roll my eyes reaching up with my free hand to run my fingers through my hair. He yawns stretching slightly his hand get's caught on my t-shirt pulling it up slightly. He sits up slightly and blinks at me a few times before flopping back down and I grunt as he hits my stomach, he squeaks "Sorry.." "It's fine.." I manage my voice horse with sleep, He starts tracing patterns on my exposed skin and I shiver slightly. "Ryan?" "hmm?" "Can I ask you something and sorta tell you a secret?" "Of course Gav," My heart thumps slightly "Well I kinda think I like someone but i'm not sure how to go about talking to them about it? Like they're amazing, and it's hard to have these feelings when I don't know how to show them I'm serious."

I swallow "Honestly Gav, maybe just tell them how you feel honesty is a good policy and it can go a long way.." He nods "I know I just... It's hard to talk to them about it cause I don't wanna scare them off after this whole trip has been great, and every time I think I can say something I get lost in his eyes and freeze up..." He let's out a breathy laugh,"Imagine me freezing up.." He pauses shifting to sit cross legged, "Look gav just tell them how you feel i'm sure you'd be surprised to find out how they feel about you." No matter my feelings I'm doing my best to give him advice and he seems quite happy with my answers, "Maybe your right Ryan maybe I just need to tell them... thanks for being here for me to talk about things with." I nod letting my gaze go up to the ceiling, "any time gav." There's a moment of silence that passes between us, " do you like anyone Ry? Maybe I could set you up or something.." I laugh slightly "sorta but don't worry bout it Gav, I've resigned to the fact nothing will happen." I can feel his eyes on me but I keep my gaze to the ceiling "why's that Ry? you deserve to be happy and this person might like you back, why wouldn't they?"

I sigh closing my eyes i squeeze the bridge of my nose "Gavin i'm the Vagabond. Anyone that I'd date would have to be alright with that for one and that's asking a lot, two i'm not good with feelings or anything like that... And i've got a lot of baggage and i'm not really sure if I wanna share that with someone, and besides this person is better with our relationship how it is they're happy with it so i'm happy.." There's silence and I swallow as I feel him shift grunting as his elbows dig into my chest slightly, "Ryan look at me." I open my eyes and looking at him I jump slightly at how close he is to my face, "Someone would be lucky to have you. Your sweet and thoughtful and protective... And baggage or not, Vagabond or not you deserve to have love and i'm sure whoever it is would love you just as much as you love them." The certainty and sparkle that flashes through his green eyes makes my mouth go dry, "seriously Ry you need to put more into yourself your worth more then you think you are." I swallow as he lays him self back into my side, "you should tell them." He says it matter of factly, even though he can't see it I nod "I'll tell mine if you tell yours." 

He laughs "Fine, we have a week to tell them. If we don't we have to do errands for the other person all month," I smirk "Fine." As he settles in and yawns again I can't help but think about the engraving inside the locket, he hasn't bothered to open it and i'm half hoping he doesn't. But if he does he'll know it's him I want, and with all the possible outcomes it scares me to death that at any moment, even sitting here he could know my feelings...But that's the risk I took when I decided to engrave it, and if something where to happen to me at least he has something from me telling him how I feel...


End file.
